As Doom Drew Nigh
by freaky Gaz
Summary: Did you ever wish you could visit your favorite video game? Well Loria got her wish. Now, Loria must join forces with Link to defeat a great evil threatening Hyrule in, not one, but four games.
1. Forest of Follies

**And now, for you're reading pleasure, I, freaky Gaz, present**** As Doom Drew Nigh**

**Review, please! **

**Chapter One**

**Forest of Follies**

The forest was nearly silent except for the occasional bird. This, however, was not unusual due to the forest's high location and its dense tress.

Cut off from civilization and full of monsters; yeah, great place for me to wake up.

The first thing I wanted to do when I opened my eyes and found myself in the Forest of the Fairies was scream profanities until I was blue in the face. However, I was only able to bellow a "_What the_…?" before I was silenced by the unmistakable shriek of a Bokoblin. I flattened myself against the forest floor and stifled a snort as grass tickled my nose. The creature came waddling up toward my hiding place. I heard it being to sniff me out and I felt panic course through my veins. Silently, I prayed for a weapon.

I felt the hilt of a sword touch my palm just as the Bokoblin caught sight of me. Before it could shriek again to alert the others, I leapt up and struck four times. It let out a croak and fell to the ground. I panted as the thing exploded in a puff of smoke leaving a small pot of magic behind. I snatched up the magic before it could disappear, then, regaining my cool, I looked down at the weapon that had saved my life.

It was a katana with a long thin blade and Hylian symbols painted onto the handle. I also noticed I was wearing a long sleeved dark blue dress with a short skirt, white sweatpants and brown boots. My short, brown hair was tied into a high ponytail. I sheathed my katana on my back and sighed.

My name is Loria, and I am a prisoner in Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker.

I wasn't quite sure what I was doing in the game, but, as my friends Jenn and Rachel could tell you, it wasn't the first time such a thing had happened. I figured I would play some part in the adventure, but my role was still a mystery. The first thing I learned during my temporary stay in the Forest of Fairies, or the Forest of Follies as I would fondly call it, was to keep my self hidden and keep quiet. I tried to avoid as many monsters as possible so as to spare myself panic and possible injury, but young, confused heroines seem to have an attraction to monsters.

By the end of my first hour in that God forsaken forest, I had killed about a dozen monsters, tripped over several roots, and valiantly fended off some very stubborn mosquitoes. The forest had tired me, starved me, and severely damaged my calm. Plus, I still had no idea of where Jenn and Rachel were, and I knew they were here somewhere because this _never_ happens to just one of us.

Just as I was about to cross the border to insanity, I heard several explosions. "What the…oh…_no_" I hissed, narrowing my eyes. Just then, I heard a thud, a grunt, and several branches cracking. A few twigs landed on my upturned face as I looked at the unconscious form of Tetra hanging from a branch several feet above my head.

However, I shouldn't say Tetra; one look told me it was not Tetra, but Jenn. It seemed that Jenn's designated part in this adventure was the part of Tetra…or Zelda…whatever, you get the point. I considered getting her down, but decided to leave her there. Heartless a thought as it was, seeing Jenn hanging by her vest from a branch was extremely entertaining.

An idea suddenly popped into my head as my stomach gave a rather alarming growl. I picked up a rock and chucked it at the branch supporting Tetra. It didn't break, but rattled the branch enough so that an apple fell from her pocket and landed at my feet. "Oh, I am _so_ clever!" I chuckled to myself as I picked up the apple and started munching on it. I brushed some dirt off a log and sat down. Leaning against the tree, I watched as Tetra swung back and forth on the branch. I figured I could get some breakfast in while I waited for Tetra to wake up so I could help her down.

About ten minutes later, I had finished my apple and was extremely bored. Tetra's odd predicament was losing humor rather quickly and I was considering trying to wake her up when I heard a Bokoblin shriek. I huffed and whipped out my katana, but then I heard a noise that made me freeze: a male voice yelling and the clash of metal on metal, quickly followed by the death croak of the monster. "Oh Lordy" I muttered, then, without warning, I saw him.

**Chapter two will be posted once I get some reviews, so if you like it, review! All my Gazzical love to you.**


	2. Aryll's Flight

**A/N: wh-wh-wh-WHOA! It's chapter two, my friends. Not too big, but it's a chapter. Next chapter will be a lot bigger, but you'll only get to see it if you review. Speaking of which...**

**Private Tamama: Thank you! Well here's the next chapter and kudos on being the first to review! **

**Shadow Authoress: Yes, yes, I know what you'll do (considering you've threatened to do so many times). **

**Chapter Two**

**Aryll's Flight**

A blond, sixteen-year-old boy wearing a shirt and tunic of emerald green and carrying a sword emerged from behind several bushes. He looked slightly out of breath and had a rather curious look on his face as he took in the scene before him. "Um…hi" Link said tentatively. This was rather a surprise for me considering that Link doesn't speak in the game. His voice wasn't very deep; it was light and friendly, although he sounded rather confused at the moment.

"Hi" I said brightly. Link's face relaxed and he smiled as he realized I was friendly. Just then, two birds swooped over head and dropped two Bokoblins down into the clearing. I immediately attacked the one in front of me with the four blows needed to kill it. I heard Link cursing in Hylian as he dodged a blow from the one assailing him. He jumped sideways, then jumped and struck the beast hard, killing it instantly. "Nice" I said, observing his work as I picked up the heart I was left. "Thanks, same to you" Link grinned as he grabbed a green rupee from the ground.

Straightening up, Link spoke to me again. "I'm Link" he said. "Loria" I said with a nod. Although I knew the answer, I asked, "What are you doing up here?". "Well" said Link "my sister and I saw that girl" Link gestured at Tetra "dropped in here by a…er…giant bird and I came up to rescue her". It was obvious Link didn't think I'd believe the giant bird part, but he was wrong. "Oh so that's what people were shooting at!" I said, putting a comprehending look on my face. Link sighed in relief that I didn't think he was crazy, then he looked at me, raising an eyebrow. "And what are you doing here?" he asked. "No clue" I sighed.

Just then, Link looked up and I felt several leaves fall onto my head. "Watch it!" Link yelled as he grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the way. With a thud, Tetra fell onto the ground where I had just stood. "OWWWCH!" she shouted, a look of pain on her face. Link ran over to her as I stood wide eyed, gapping like a moron. "Are you okay?" he asked Tetra, offering a hand to help her up.

Tetra's eyes shot open as she became away she wasn't alone. She didn't take Link's hand, but stood up and huffed at Link. "I'm fine, of course" she said and I rolled my eyes. Although I knew it was Jenn, it was certainly Tetra doing the talking. If Jenn had been in this position she would have, one, hit me with something for not getting her down sooner and, two, attacked Link with a massive hug.

Tetra looked Link and I up and down. "And who are you two suppose to be?" she asked. "Well, I'm Loria and this is Link" I said stepping forward. "Loria and Link" said Tetra with a smirk "Cute. You related?". "No, actually, we just met when you nearly fell on me" I said with a smile. Tetra frowned at me, not wanting to be reminded of her embarrassing moment. Before she could come up with a cocky reply, Gonzo came running into the clearing yelling like an idiot. "Miss! Miss Tetra!" he yelled in relief. Tetra looked over and huffed again. Gonzo stopped and continued to speak, panting.

"Oh! Oh, thank... Thank goodness! You're safe! When I saw you get dropped on this summit, I thought for sure you'd-"

"Summit? So that bird dropped me off on the top of a mountain? Well, wasn't that nice of it! Well, don't just stand there! Let's go! Time to repay our debt to that bird in full!"

"But Miss... What about these two kids?"

"Don't worry about them. Come on!"

Tetra and Gonzo then ran out of the forest, leaving Link and I on our own. I snorted, annoyed. "Yeah, well, _you're welcome_!" I yelled after them "Hmph, ungrateful little-hey, whoa, where are you going?" I said as Link started after them. He looked back at me as if surprised I was still there.

"Huh?" he said "oh, well, I'm going home". There was an awkward pause, then he asked "aren't you?". "No I…don't live on this island" I mumbled truthfully. Link's eyebrows shot up and he spoke, understanding my predicament "You're welcome to come with me if you like. My grandma wouldn't mind, she loves people". I smiled at this "Thanks, I think I'll take you up on that" I said.

Link and I made our way out of the forest and emerged into the sunlight. I shut my eyes tightly as the light stung my eyes. "Oh, wow, that's bright" I groaned. Just then, I heard a voice that I recognized. "'Hoy, Big Brother!" came a young girls voice. My eyes shot open and I looked across the bridge to see my friend Rachel waving at Link. "Oh my God, she's Aryll" I said in a panicky whisper, my hands gripping my head in fear. I think Link heard me, but I'll never be sure because at that moment, the Helmaroc King swooped from the sky and snatched Aryll up in his talons.

Aryll screamed loudly "Brother!". "_Aryll!_" Link yelled, a look of horror on his face. Before I could stop him, he ran forward attempting to save her, but he fell with another Hylian curse off the side of the cliff. Thankfully, Tetra grabbed his hand. I ran over as Tetra snapped at him "Uhnn! Stupid kid! Get a hold of yourself! She's gone! There's nothing you can do". My heart plummeted as I saw Link's heart broken face. "Aryll" he whispered sadly and we all watched as the shape of the bird grew smaller and smaller against the sky.

**Let's all be sad for Link (wah!) Review if you wanna see the next chapter!**


	3. The Adventure Begins

**A:N/ Chapter three, as promised. As I said, this chapter is huge, so enjoy! Chapter four is coming soon.  
Replies**

Shadow Authoress: Yes, Rak is Aryll whether she likes it or not. And I will continue to yell at you for short chapters, but here's a nice big chapter for your troubles

**Private Tamama: Many thanks, it's good to write stupendous things**

**Gwenhwyvar: Trust me, you can curse in almost every language. Jenn and Rakkel really think they're Tetra and Aryll, but I'm going to put in some small chapters where it's them talking. Thanks for reviewing!****  
**

**Chapter Three**

**The Adventure Begins**

Tetra and Gonzo had returned to their ship several minutes ago, but I stayed outside the forest with Link. We were sitting on the side of the cliff dangling our feet. Link's face was hard to read, but it wasn't good whatever he was feeling. After several minutes, Link dropped his face into his hands and said something I couldn't understand. "You're what now?" I asked. Link looked up and stared at the other side of the bridge as if trying to make Aryll come back. "I said I'm an idiot" he mumbled. I rolled my eyes. Link, being Link, was feeling responsible for the kidnapping.

I turned myself so I was turned towards him sitting Indian style. "Yes, Link, you're an idiot" I said, resting my chin on my hand. Link's head whipped around to look at me. He looked shocked and hurt by that remark. "You're an idiot for blaming yourself!" I said loudly in a 'duh' voice. Link's face relaxed and he managed a small smile at me before looking back out at the bridge. "Well" I said in mock thinking "you're also an idiot for trying to jump off a cliff, but we won't go into that". Link glared at me and his eyes told me to shut my mouth. "Like I said, we won't go into that" I said, holding up my hands, signaling that I got the message.

We sat in silence for a few more moments before I looked back at Link. "So" I said, very business like "what are you going to do?". Link turned his head towards me again, his chin resting on his palms. He raised his eyebrows and spoke in a monotonous voice "I suppose you have an idea" he said into his hands. "As a matter of fact, I do" I said brightly "I think we should go with Tetra on her ship! Maybe they'd help us find Aryll". Link looked at me quizzically. "We?" he asked. "Well yeah, I'm coming along too" I said, exasperated "I'm not about to let that over grown pigeon get a hold of your sister!". I stood up and held my hand out towards Link. "C'mon, what do you say?" I asked him with a smile.

Link looked at me, still looking unsure, but one look back across the bridge and his expression became one of determination. Link grabbed my hand and I pulled him up. He smiled at me. "Alright, let's go!" he said loudly.

With that, Link and I ran across the bridge and made our way down to the pirate ship to save Aryll.

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"What! You want to come with us on our ship?" Tetra shouted in alarm.

"Well that was the general plan, yes" I muttered as Link nodded fiercely.

Tetra groaned and then proceeded to monologue: "Do you understand what you're asking? We're pirates! You know... PIRATES! The terror of the seas! What do we get out of bringing some helpless little kids along with us? I'll tell what we get... a headache!" she turned to Link "I know how you must feel with your sister having been kidnapped and all... But that doesn't really have anything to do with us, does it?".

'_Three, two, and one_' I thought to myself as Tetra spoke, then, right on cue, we heard the flapping of wings and Quill, the Rito messenger, landed next to us. Link, Tetra, and Gonzo all looked rather shocked, but I smiled in relief. "And how do you figure that?" Quill asked Tetra. Tetra's mouth was still hanging open, so Gonzo spoke. "Whoa whoa, whoa there! Just who are you! Where do you get off butting in on someone else's conversation!" he said loudly. I rolled my eyes as Quill continued "Please! All I mean to say is that if you big, bad pirates hadn't come to this quiet little island... That poor girl wouldn't have been snatched by that bird" Quill glared at Tetra and Gonzo as he said this.

I elbowed Link and he turned to me. "Group glare" I muttered to him. Link unsuccessfully hid a smile and we both glared at Tetra and Gonzo as well. Tetra looked back at us. "Oh, knock it off" she snapped. Link and I just grinned at her. Tetra turned back to Quill after huffing at us again. "And just what do you mean by that?" she asked defensively. "Just be quiet for a moment, and I'll tell you!" Quill snapped at her, silencing her immediately. I leaned over to Link again and whispered "I love this guy!". Link smiled briefly, then he returned his attention to Quill, waiting for an explanation.

Quill proceeded to inform us on how every girl kidnapped had long ears, the ears I knew to be Hylian ears, and how Tetra was somewhat responsible for Aryll's kidnapping. When Quill said this, Tetra became very interested in a distant part of the sky. Quill let an awkward silence reign for a few moments, then spoke again. "And correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe Link and Loria here saved you from the monsters in the forest!". Tetra's eyes widened and she looked at Link and I again. "Is this true?" she asked in a small voice. Link nodded, answering for the both of us. Tetra suddenly looked a little sorry for how she'd treated us.

Our little moment was broken by Quill, proving once and for all that he couldn't shut up when he knew stuff. "Oh! And while I'm at it, I may as well tell you that the bird that kidnapped both you and Link's sister has made its foul nest to the north on the heights of the Forsaken Fortress" Quill said quickly. "The Forsaken Fortress! Isn't that the place where-" Tetra barked in alarm, but Quill cut her off. "Under the circumstances" he said in a loud, booming voice and Tetra fell silent once more, "I don't think it would be unreasonable for you two give Link and Loria a little help, now, would it?". Tetra huffed at Quill, then turned back to us. "Well fine, I'll bring you two along" she said reluctantly "but you'll need to have something to shield yourselves wi-" "OW!"

Everyone looked at me when I yelped, their eyebrows raised. I was too distracted by the shield that had just appeared on my back, hitting me hard on the neck as it had done so. I looked up at them, grinned sheepishly, and held my shield up for them to see. "Eh-heh…got one" I said awkwardly. Tetra rolled her eyes at me, but Link was polite enough to hide his laugh. Tetra then turned to Link. "Well, do you have one?" she asked sharply. Link shook his head, but then stopped. "No, but I think I can get one, just give me a few minutes" he said and he turned to run to his house. Tetra rolled her eyes. "Oh for crying out loud…" she muttered. I ignored her and ran off after Link.

"Wait…for…ME!" I shouted at him. Link stopped in his tracks and waited for me to catch up. "You don't have to come" he said quietly "my Grandma will be pretty upset and…". "I know, I don't mind" I said. Link smiled and we proceeded to walk back to his house. We walked through the door, but I stopped once it was closed behind us. "I'll wait here for you" I said, gesturing for Link to continue. He nodded and walked into the other room. I heard the muted conversation between Link and his Grandmother.

I heard Grandma say "Take it with you" to Link. I smiled and quietly sang the music that plays in the game whenever Link gets a new item. "You've got the Hero's Shield! This is the legendary shield said to have been used by the legendary hero himself. Hold R to defend yourself. You can also hold R to defend while L-targeting." I said in my announcer voice as I examined the pictures on the wall. "Loria…what are you doing?" came Link's rather disturbed voice from behind me. I spun around. "Nothing whatever!" I blurted out "oh, got a shield? Good let's go". I spun awkwardly and walked out of the house with Link, still slightly disturbed, trailing behind me.

We arrived back at the ship where a very impatient Tetra yelled at us for being slow, criticized Link's shield mercilessly, gave us one last chance to turn back, then eventually let us on the ship. Ten minutes later Link and I were waving goodbye to the townspeople as Tetra muttered about us being too sentimental. I looked over at Link and saw the sad look he was hiding from Tetra. I put a hand on his shoulder and smiled. "We'll be back soon" I said reassuringly "and we'll have Aryll with us. Don't worry". Link smiled at me gratefully. "Thanks" he said quietly.

I decided then to go explore the ship and leave Link alone. Hanging over the side of the ship, I let the wind blow my hair around and looked out over the Great Sea as the adventure began.

**A/N: Cue the Indian Jones music. REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!**


	4. Call Me 'Swabbie' One More Time

**A/N: Well here is chapter four finally. Enjoy my friends!  
**

**Private Tamama: Well, next chapter will be the Forsaken Fortress but here is some entertaining pirate ship shtuff to tide you over**

**Shadow Authoress: You get into character wonderfully, deah.**

**Gwenhwyvar: Quill dominates all before him. Yes, this follows the game except for some of the script which is edited considering Link is not alone. **

**Chapter Four**

**Call Me 'Swabbie' One More Time**

We had spent about three hours on the pirate ship and Link had not moved one inch. I, however, had engaged myself in a game of poker, won by cheating, gotten caught, and run around the ship being chased by three very angry pirates before Tetra called us all morons and told us to shut up. Then, Tetra ordered Link and I below decks to keep us, or rather me, out of their way. As we trudged down the stairs, Link randomly said "You shouldn't have cheated, Lori". I rolled my eyes. "I gave them their money back, but I was _bored_" I whined. Link gave me a look that said he didn't think that was a good excuse, but my response was cut off. "Oh! Well now! Ahoy there, swabbies!" came a high, ratty voice.

"_No_" I moaned, but my worst fears had been confirmed. In front of us, standing at about four feet tall, was a rather dirty, buck toothed pirate. He looked up at us, unperturbed by the obvious height difference, and proceeded to speak in an all-important voice. "As of today... EH-HEH-AHEM!" he coughed loudly as he noticed I was whacking myself on the head with my fist. Once I had stopped, he proceeded: "I am your superior...Niko! Now, I promise I'll go easy on you so you do as I say, OK?" Link and I just stared blankly, so Niko continued "Right! Now, first off, you have to take the test all new pirates have to take. It's a bit of a doozy, so get ready!" he said in a foreboding voice, obviously trying to intimidate us

Niko then went into a dull ramble about how to complete the test we had to take: make it across the room without touching the floor by jumping on platforms and ropes. I had a look of utmost boredom on my face, but I was a little uneasy about this test. I would rather not fall ten feet, swing from a rope, or be mocked by a small, idiotic pirate. I knew Link could do it, but my reflexes and aim weren't exactly…well they were terrible to be quite frank.

I returned to reality just as Niko started trying to intimidate us again. "It will probably take you at least one year before you're good enough to make it all the way here" sighed Niko in mock pity for us "One rough year. One tough year, full of bumps and bruises. Of course, if you manage to do it faster, I'll reward you! Now, give it a try! This ought to be good for a chuckle or two!" Niko climbed down the ladder, scurried across the floor, and climbed up the other ladder at the opposite end of the room.

Pointing at us, Niko yelled "You first, Girl Swabbie". "I swear" I fumed "if he calls me 'swabbie' _one more time_-wait, did he just say I'm first!" I turned, mortified to Link. He nodded. I grimaced. "Oh…shit" I muttered. Link looked at me in question. "What does that mean?" he asked. I glanced at him and grinned to myself. "Same thing as kuso" I said, remembering what I knew of the Hylian language. Link raised his eyebrows and looked rather surprised. "Oh" he said, but then looked back at me. "In what language?" he asked. Before I could answer, Niko yelled for me to hurry it up. "If I die" I said out of the corner of my mouth to Link "toss him overboard". Link smiled and saluted me as I turned to the switch.

"I hate my life" I muttered as I stepped on the switch. Turning to the platform in front of me, I leapt over to it. "I _really_ hate my life" I grumbled as I stood and looked at the rope in front of me. "And I am going to die" I sighed. I jumped into the air, barely caught myself on the rope, and managed to get some rather nasty rope burn on my hands. I opened my eyes and looked around. "Ha!" I yelled triumphantly "I made it!" I turned on the rope so I was looking at Link. "Hey, Link! I made it, isn't that cool?" I yelled towards him, grinning. "That's wonderful, Lori" he said "but you are running out of time!"

I glared at him. "Alright, I know, don't _rush_ me!" I yelled back as I turned to face the platform. I looked from the rope to the platform, then back at the rope, then at the platform, then at Niko scratching his nose, then at a fly in front of me. "_Lori_!" Link bellowed over at me, frustrated. "I'm going!" I yelled back. I swung forward on the rope and landed on the platform in front of me. Turning to face the next rope, I hesitated before jumping. "You're going to run out of time" Link nagged. I glowered at him, jumped, and hung on the rope for a few seconds as I turned. "Lori, you are not going to make it" Link called over. "Hush!" I snapped at him as I swung to the next rope.

"The ticking is getting faster!" Link said loudly. "Link, I am aware of this" I said through gritted teeth as I jumped onto a platform. A few seconds of silence, then "You're going too slow". "Link, hush" I yelled back as I swung on the last rope. "Lori…_Lori the ticking is getting_-" Link yelled in a panic. "Link!" I roared as I leapt off the platform "if you do not shut your trap _this very instant_ I am going to hang you from the crows nest _by your feet_ and so help me-". I stopped as I noticed Link was laughing like crazy. "…did I miss something?" I asked in a small voice. Pausing for a moment, Link choked out "T-turn around" before he resumed laughing his hat off. I turned slowly, just as the ticking stopped.

"Whaaaat? You did it already?" Niko squeaked in shock "... I... I... I'm proud to have you as... As my... As my... underling!" he said, regaining composure. I was stunned for a few seconds, but then a light bulb went on in my head. "_Link_!" I bellowed, half laughing. "Yes?" came a voice from right behind me. Niko and I screamed and I whipped around. Link was standing their, grinned elfishly. Niko and I had been so preoccupied; we hadn't even noticed the ticking restart and Link make it across.

I mouthed stupidly. "Let me guess" Link said in mock puzzlement "you just figured out that I bugged you so you'd be annoyed with me instead of scared?" he looked at me, obviously enjoying my shock. "Yes" I said finally and I smiled at him. We heard Niko muttering to himself. I turned around and Link stepped forward so we stood shoulder to shoulder in front of him. Niko looked up at us. "All right, swabbies!" he said in his high-and-mighty voice "I'll tell you what! You can have the treasure in that chest over there! It's your reward from the great and generous Niko! Hurry and take it before someone comes!"

Link and I ran around Niko and into the room with the chest. Link opened it at once. Inside were two purple bags with designs on them that resembled strange faces. As Link leaned into the chest to pull them out, I hummed the tune again. "You got the Spoils Bag!" I said once again "You can keep the items you get from enemies in this handy pouch. It can hold up to 8 types of items. Press Y, Z, or X on the Items screen to see what's inside. Press Y, Z, or X again to set and use one of its contents". Link abruptly pulled his front half out of the trunk and looked at me suspiciously. "What?" I asked innocently. Before Link could answer, we heard a voice. "Hey! Link! Loria! We've reached the Forsaken Fortress! Hurry and get up here!" Tetra yelled down at us.


	5. Flight of the Barrel

**Alrighty, chapter five is here, my friends! I know it is short, but I'm dividing the Foresaken Fortress into two different chapters just cause I can. Also, towards the end of the chapter and into the next one, Link will have some trouble speaking, so translations will be provided in double parentheses after all he says. Now, to respond to reviews...**

**Meggy: I'm glad you find it so funny, it makes me smile! Your threat about the wet noodle is what drove me to post this chapter ASAP. I would have posted sooner, but I was on vacation, The Lori button thing gets more crazy as the story progresses, trust me.**

**Shadow Authoress: I'm glad for you. Very very glad. Why the cow are you calling me Spikey?**

**Chapter Five**

**Flight of the Barrel**

Link and I ran out of the treasure room, knocking Niko aside as we went. We thundered up the stairs and looked wildly around for Tetra. "Hey! Here I am!" came Tetra's voice from above us. Link and I looked up to see the pirate waving at us from the Crow's Nest. "Up here!" she called, motioning for us to come up. Link and I pulled ourselves up the rope ladder.

"What were you doing with Niko?" Tetra asked as soon as we were in the Crow's Nest. She made a face. "Don't tell me you were playing some stupid game for treasure... were you?" she asked accusingly. Link and I shifted guiltily. Tetra frowned, but shrugged it off. "Well, whatever!" she said, then pointed behind her "There's something you need to see". Link and I walked past Tetra and gazed at the massive structure in the distance. "That's the cursed isle known as the Forsaken Fortress" Tetra said.

The Forsaken Fortress was large and foreboding…not to mention forsaken. Its search lights pierced the dark sky and came dangerously close to the ship. The tower was the most unnerving. It was crooked, tilted towards us, and I had the sensation it was going to fall on us at any minute. I looked over at Link who was glowering at the island angrily. I raised my eyes to the heavens; I wasn't looking forward to another burst of heroism from him because it always ended in him nearly getting himself killed.

Link raised his eyes to a window in the tower. I followed his gaze and saw the sea gulls flocking around it. "That's where she is" Link said "Aryll's in that tower". "Of course" I grumbled "always the massive, ominous tower". Tetra frowned. "...It looks like the whole place is under really tight guard" she mumbled, tugging on her bandana. She looked up at us. "This won't work..." she sighed.

Link rounded on her. "It has to work, I've got to rescue my sister!" he half-shouted angrily. Tetra glared back at him. "We'd be spotted before we got anywhere near landing there" she snapped "I'm not about to risk my ship for your sister". Before Link could explode at her, I clapped my hands over his mouth and spoke to Tetra. "Well, is there anyway we could get close without the ship?" I asked as Link yelled against my palms, trying to get free. Tetra thought for a moment, then smirked at us.

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"Ya know, Tetra, I was thinking more of a _row boat_!" I yelled at her, my voice slightly muffled.

Tetra's grand idea was to have Gonzo unceremoniously shove Link and I into a barrel and catapult us into the fortress. At the moment, I was in a fetal position on the bottom of the barrel, Link was upside down on top of me, and I was being suffocated by his hat. "Link, your elbow is in my stomach" I choked out. Link managed to move his elbow, but that turned out to be a bad idea. Link slammed into my stomach causing me to curse and splutter. "Sorry" said Link as he tried to move his feet.

"Sorry! That hurt you little green-"

"Oh can it!_ I_ am not the reason we're in a barrel"

"Neither am I! There is a certain blonde pirate who I am going to _kill for this_"

"May I assist?"

"_You two shut up or I'll send you into the ocean_!" Tetra roared at us. Link and I fell silent at that. She huffed at us and then continued. "Now, we're going to get you in there without being seen, so don't worry. We're going to launch you good" Tetra said confidently. Link and I looked at each other. We were a little less confident then Tetra.

"Three!" we heard Tetra yell. "We're going to die" I muttered "We're going to die. We're going to die. We're going to die. We're going to-". "Lori!" Link snapped. "Two!" Tetra called again, ignoring me. "Sorry, little nervous here" I mumbled apologetically. Link nodded and pulled his hat over his eyes. "Fire away, Captain!" he called to Tetra. I bit my lip to hold back my panic. "One!" Tetra shouted with a note of glee in her voice.

Link and I were shot forward out of the catapult. We both screamed loudly as we were pinned against the bottom of the barrel with the speed of our flight. We soared over part of the fortress and went into a tail spin headed for the water. "I hate my life!" I shrieked, then we hit the water with a loud smack and the barrel broke.

Link and I were submerged in the icy water. I shot towards the surface and gasped as the cold night air stung my face. I looked around, but saw no sign of Link. "Link?" I called out tentatively. Just then, Link jettisoned out of the water with an almighty gasp for air. I stared at him wide eyed as he coughed and spluttered. "That was pronounced" I laughed. Link just snorted to get water out of his nose. "I was beginning to think you'd drowned" I said as I picked up his hat and wrung it out for him. Link took his hat, sniffed, and looked at me quizzically. "Id four footh deethp wader? I donth tink tho…((In four foot deep water? I don't think so…))" he managed to get out before sneezing. I smothered a laugh, then grabbed his elbow and lead him to shore.

Once we were on land, Link stopped suddenly, panic on his face. I sighed and covered my ears as I knew what was coming. "Ay loth my thord!(( I lost my sword!))" Link roared angrily. I felt on my back and, sure enough, my katana was gone. "Well" I sighed "hopefully they're in the same-SWEET MOTHER!" I shrieked and jumped four feet in the air. Link yelled in shock as his pocket vibrated and glowed. He pulled out a gem and Tetra's voice emitted from it.

"Your swords landed all the way up there?" Tetra said exasperatedly "Shoot! I'm sorry! I apologize! I guess my aim was off a little bit". Link and I were not consoled. "TETRA!" we bellowed (or 'TETHWA' in Link's case). Tetra ignored us; she was laughing too hard. "The look on your faces: priceless!" she cackled mercilessly. Link and I fumed until she was done, then she spoke again.

"I slipped this into Link's pocket just before we launched you" she said in answer to our unspoken question "I can see what you're doing through it and obviously you can here me. I need it back after you rescue Aryll so _don't lose it_!" she emphasized the last three words. With that, she disappeared from the stone. "Doesn't anyone say goodbye anymore?" I sighed, but Link had already taken off and I had to follow him.


	6. The Miniblins Must Die

**Here we go! AHAHAHAHA! Oh I'm so happy I finally got this thing up. It might take me longer to update because I'm back in school TT**

**Shadow Authoress: I know I rock xD**

**Blake Troy: My God I cannot get rid of you. And I say that with love. I intend to finish this one and you BETTER read the rest of it! 3**

**Gwenhwyvar: Ick, I hate being grounded. Poor Link got water up his nose (that happens a lot, just cause I think it's funny). Yes, I will get back at Tetra for launching me around in an barrel. **

**Chapter Six**

**The Miniblins Must Die**

"Oh crap" I squeaked as I heard their tell-tale approach. I turned sharply and started for the door, but they blocked it. My breathing quickened and I turned sharply and ran for the other door, but that was cut off as well. They started to descend upon me and panic over whelmed me. Despite the fact that we were trying to remain unnoticed, I let out a blood curdling scream of terror. "LINK!" I bellowed horrified "HELP!" but I didn't see him. One of the creatures came up to me. Its eyes were bright with malice, its weapon pointed to me. I prayed it wasn't about to do what I thought it would, but my worst fears were to be confirmed.

"nah-NAH!" the miniblin shrieked at me. "LINK!" I screamed again. The miniblins crowded around me and poked me viciously with their pitchforks. Suddenly, their cries stopped and they ran away from me. I opened my eyes and saw them munching greedily on animal bait. I felt a hand grab mine and pull me, weak kneed and shaking, through the now open door and into the next room. Link let go of my hand and I fell to the ground, still trembling. He slammed the door behind him and gave me a furious look.

"Lori" he hissed "we are attempting to be subtle and get through this fortress without being seen or heard. Conclusion: YOU NEARLY GOT US CAUGHT YOU IDIOT!" he roared the last words at me, but his anger vanished as he saw me cowering on the ground, still shaken. Link raised his eyes to the heavens and I saw a guilty look appear on his face. "Aw, c'mon" he pleaded, his voice filled with regret "I didn't mean to scare you". "Y-you didn't" I stuttered "it was those" a shudder rocked me "_things_".

Link sighed. "Lori, they aren't that scar-" he began, but I cut him off. I was on my feet in seconds. Grasping Link by the front of his tunic I glowered menacingly at him. "_Well they scare me_!" I snarled viciously "_And don't you forget it_!" I added. Link nodded mutely. I let him go and turned to the other door. I could've sworn I heard Link chuckling as I shoved the door open and we proceeded on our quest.

Link and I had successfully disposed of the search lights. Now, we were attempting to infiltrate the tower where Aryll was being held. I was about to fling open a door when I caught sight of the Moblin guards patrolling the hallway. I stopped short causing Link to walk into me.I pointed through the small crack in the door. "Well" Link sighed after he saw our dilemma "looks like it's back under the barrel" he motioned towards a barrel near the door.

"Oh c'mon!" I said, snorting "like a barrel walking through the door is a normal occurrence around here". Link raised an eyebrow at me, the elfish grin lighting up his face for a brief moment. "You'd be surprised at how stupid they are" he laughed slightly.

O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0oo0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"I don't believe it!" I whispered in Link's ear. "Told ya" he whispered back with a triumphant grin. We were both under a barrel, crouched down and squashed to within an inch of our lives, and yet the Moblins took no notice of it. "Those moronic little-" I began gleefully, but I was cut off by Link who quickly covered my mouth with his hand. Giving me an annoyed look, he hissed through his teeth "They're stupid, but they're not deaf" before pushing the barrel, and therefore me, forward.

I stumbled only for a moment I as moved my feet in sync with Link's. Link had his face pressed against the side of the barrel so that he could see through the small hole. I raised my head slightly so the top of the barrel came up about an inch. I could see the Moblins pacing several feet in front of us. Suddenly, the Moblin turned on us. "Down!" I hissed and I shoved hard on Link's head. He grunted angrily, but the barrel successfully dropped just as the Moblin saw it. The creature paused, snorted, then turned and continued its pacing.

"You know" Link muttered "I saw it coming…and that _really_ hurt". "I do what I must, Greenie" I said, smiling. "And cut the green jokes" Link hissed as we started walking again "my Grandma made this outfit for me; it is not my choice"

"Down!" I shoved him down once more

"Ok" he mumbled "you got me that time"

I grinned triumphantly, then picked up the barrel and nudged him forward.

O0o0o0o0oo00o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"Just a little more…" Link whispered. We pushed the barrel forward a few more inches, but it was not free of the door. I peered through the top once again to look back through the door. A Moblin was nearing the end of its pacing and would soon turn to face us. "Oh dear" I whimpered "_Link_…". At that moment, however, Link gave a particularly hard shove and the door click silently shut behind us.

"Whew!" I said happily. I picked up the barrel by the edges and carelessly tossed it to the side. It crashed into another pile of barrels and the lot of them came tumbling down. I gaped stupidly at the racket I'd made. Link looked like he was about to explode, but just then we saw the door opening. Link half pushed half tackled me and we fell flat on the floor behind some crates. The Moblin threw open the door and looked it. It took in the fallen barrels and the fact that there was no one in the room. Being of small mind, it assumed the barrels had knocked themselves over (as barrels often do) and left the room.

I exhaled and turned my head to the left, then squeaked as I was met with a pair of very annoyed dark eyes. "You are going to get us caught if you keep that up" Link snapped at me. I grinned sheepishly making Link roll his eyes. "C'mon" he said as he stood up. He offered a hand to me and we continued on our way.

A few minutes later, we were standing in front of a rather inconveniently placed gap in the path leading towards the door into the tower. "Well" I said, hands on my hips, turning to Link "what now?" Link's brow furrowed and his eyes narrowed, but he didn't respond. I turned and looked back down the way we came. "Well, we could always go ba-" I began, but Link cut me off. "No" he said sharply. I looked wide eyed from him to the gap in front of us. "Beg pardon?" I asked meekly. "We're not going back" he said turning to me "we're going across".

"Oh no" I said with a nervous laugh "I am not…you are out of your…please don't make me" I whimpered the last part. Link smiled and put his arm around my shoulders, gently pushing me towards the gap despite my struggling. "Lori" he said quietly "you are going to climb across on that ledge over there" I tried to turn around as I saw that the ledge was about a foot wide, but Link didn't let me move "you will be fine and I'm going to be right behind you" I looked at Link. "I hate you" I sighed, glaring at him. Link laughed. "Of course you do, now let's go" he said exasperatedly and he all but pushed me onto the ledge.

I gulped loudly and pressed my back flat against the wall. Slanting my feet sideways, I began to inch my way across the gap. My nails dug into the wall as much as they could, as if they alone could keep me from falling. I made a mistake and looked down. The watery rocks seemed to leap up at me and I swayed dangerously. "Lori!" Link yelped at me. "I'm fine" I said gruffly, swallowing hard. I breathed deep through my nose and breathed out through the mouth. I continued to inch along, but my progress was slow.

"Link?" I asked quietly. "Yes?" came the (to my fury) completely calm voice from behind me. "How's life?" I asked meekly.

"_What_?"

"I need to distract myself; _how is life_?"

"Well…not too good considering my sister got kidnapped…"

"Right…that would do it…"

"How's yours?"

"Miserable. Absolutely miserable because I am climbing over certain death!"

Link laughed slightly at that, but managed to stop himself out of kindness. Just then I reached the rest of the land and fell flat on my face and hugged the ground. "Oh I hate heights" I groaned. Link took three quick steps to bring himself next to me. "Lori!" he yelled suddenly, pointing. I looked up and saw our swords lying next to each other. I scrambled up and we both ran for our swords. I suddenly heard Link yell and I saw a Bokoblin fall on top of him. I saw the thing raise its spear to strike him and I panicked. I dived and grabbed the Hero's Sword by the hilt. Rolling onto my back, I chucked the sword straight at him. Thankfully, he caught it instead of being impaled and blocked the spear that was sent towards his neck. I grabbed my katana and quickly killed the monster on my friend.

"You okay?" I panted as Link grabbed a rupee off his back from where the creature had landed and stood up. He looked a little shaken, but he nodded then shook his head as if to clear it. "Thanks" he said as he bent over, his hands on his knees, breathing heavily. I patted him on the back and laughed weakly. "No problem" I said.

It was then that I saw the door. I was tall, unnecessarily tall as are all villainous doors. I nudged Link with my elbow and he looked up. "We're here" I said quietly. Link straightened up and we looked at each other. I nodded and we ran forward. We threw open the door, our weapons ready, and charged into the room. I saw the cage immediately and saw the three girls in the cage. Link ran forward immediately, but I hesitated. My hair moved and blew in my face and I heard a beating. "Link!" I shouted in warning, but too late. The Helmaroc King swooped in and snatched Link and I in his talons. I lay still, not wanting to fall to my death, but Link was flailing and yelling like mad. "_Aryll_!" he screamed down at Rachel.

My heart pounded as we soared through the sky and were brought to the top of the tower. "Oh dear" I whispered. I saw the huge figure standing on the other side and I heard the rough voice, still with a hint of the Gerudo accent. "Throw them into the water" he said haughtily. I tried to run, but we were swept up once again and the great bird flew over the ocean. I looked down and saw the icy water sloshing along the side of the fortress ominously. I groaned and closed my eyes, my heart pounding like crazy.

Then, we were let go. My stomach plummeted as I saw the water rushing up to meet me. The wind roared in my ears and stung my eyes. The world went in and out of focus before me. I heard Link yell in fright and then we hit the water. Water rushed up my nose and into my mouth. I flailed and struggled, looking around wildly for Link, but not seeing him anywhere. I panicked and tried to kick my way to the surface, but my legs had gone numb. I opened my mouth and the air left me.

My eyes rolled back into my head and darkness consumed me as I lost consciousness.


	7. Goddesses

**A/N: For those of you who have neglected to read my Gazzical Ramblings, I have completed changed the plot of this story. I was mad at myself for following the plot of the game, so I decided to mix it up a little. Please don't hate me because this shall rocketh! Sad things is that chapters 7-9 have been deleted to fit the new plot. Here, I give you chapter 7 anew! Please enjoy and let me know what you think. **

**Chapter Seven**  
**Goddesses**

"Lori"

"She's not going to wake up"

"Hush! _Lori_"

"She's not going to wake up that way!"

"Well then _you _wake her up, genius"

Rachel's flat palm connected with the back of my head hard. "Ow!" I yelped as I sat up, rubbing my head. "Hey, tall person" came Rachel's voice from my right. My small, hobbit-like, blonde friend was sitting Indian style next to me, grinning widely. "Hello, Sunshine" came a voice from behind me. I looked above me and saw the abnormally tall figure of Jenn looming over me with a very unnerving smile on her face. "Gah!" I yelped, not use to being shorter than her. I leapt to my feet and Jenn returned to her normal height of half a head shorter than me. The smile vanished from Jenn's face and she crossed her arms, pouting. "Oh fluffernutter" she said, disappointed.

My hand went to my head as my migraine returned. "What's going on?" I asked with a grimace. "Well…we were kinda wondering that too…" Rachel said as she stood up. Jenn raised an eyebrow to Rachel. "You two are both morons" she said "we're in a video game". "I _know_ that!!!" I said, exasperated "I meant at the moment". "Oh" said Jenn "well I dunno…"

Rachel snorted and rolled her eyes. I sighed and Jenn started humming 'I'll Make a Man Out of You' complete with original dance moves. Partially because it had just occurred to me and partially to stop the steady stream of retarded dance moves from Jenn, I voiced the question. "Where's Link?" I asked them. Rachel and Jenn looked at each other. "No idea" Rachel said "he should be here…"

"Well, where's here!?!" Jenn asked loudly, her blue eyes wide. Rachel and I looked at each other. She was right, of course; we had no idea where we were. My worry rapidly increased as I realized that our surroundings contained no forms other than our own. It was obvious to me we were outside; the ground was rough and flat and mist hung thickly around us. I could see the sun through a thick haze of clouds. It had been reduced to a weak glow that provided meager illumination.

"We have to…do…something" I said, itching to move. Rachel rolled her eyes again and Jenn raised her eyebrows and frowned at me. "Like _what_?" she asked sharply. "I don't know…" I mumbled, hanging my head. "How about we start" said Rachel and I raised my head at the note of panic in her voice "with asking them". Jenn and I whipped around, actions that were followed by yelps of surprise. There were three girls standing behind us.

One of them was taller than the other three. She had bronze skin and flaming red hair that she wore in a ponytail. Her eyes were sharp and alert, gazing at us with an unnerving intensity. She wore a long, floor length red dress that left her shoulders exposed. She wore three gold necklaces, gold bangles, and gold hoop earrings. She stood with perfect posture and her arms folded across her chest.

The second girl was the shortest of the three. She had much paler skin than either of her companions. Her eyes were a glowing, watery blue beneath thick eyelashes. Her hair was the same shade of blue and tumbled down her back in elegant waves. Her dress was also floor length and was a paler shade of blue. It looped around her neck leaving part of her back bare. She wore blue beads on her wrists and small silver tear drops in her ears. Her hands were folded and she was smiling at us, but I could see a calculating look in her eye.

The final girl was the one standing the closest to us. Her hair was a dark, rich emerald color and was much shorter than either of the others, coming only to her shoulders. Her eyes were also an emerald and sparkled with life. Her skin was a luminescent peach color. She wore a floor length, dark green dress with short sleeves. On her hands she wore brown leather gloves and a belt of similar material. Unlike the others, she wore no jewelry. She smiled politely at us, the picture of friendliness.

All three girls looked very out of place in this environment. They all had a regal presence about them, the kind of presence that demands your respect. Also, none of the three possessed a flaw about them. They glowed in the meager lighting, everything about them perfection. This was possibly the most unnerving thing of all.

Rachel, Jenn, and I stood shoulder to shoulder, gaping at the newcomers. Without any words spoken to the other two, I raised my hand. "Din…" I said pointing to the red head "…Nayru…" I said as I turned my hand to the shortest girl "…and Farore" I looked at the girl in green. Again, there were no words between us. Only Din's nod of approval told the three of us that we were standing before the three Hylian Goddesses.


	8. The Message

**A/N: I am seriously on a roll with writing here; a significant improvement to my usual attitude. Well, here's a nice 4 page chapter for you folks and the next few chapters are going to be very long indeed, if I have it my way. Please review and, again, don't hate me for almost completely changing this thing.**

**Chapter Eight**

**The Message**

"Are we dead!?!"

These were the first words said in a hysterically squeaky voice by Rachel. Farore's smile widened and she laughed softly. "No" she said her voice high and bright "No, you're not dead". Rachel relaxed visibly as Jenn posed the next question. "Where are we?" she asked as her eyes roamed our surroundings. "You're in a parallel dimension" said Farore.

Jenn visibly twitched at this.

"What do you want with us?" I asked quietly, my eyes wide. Nayru's smile widened and she nodded. "That" she said, her voice soft, yet commanding "is the right question". I raised my eyebrow and looked slowly over at Jenn and Rachel. Rachel's rather alarmed look had not changed; her mouth was open and her eyes were wide. Jenn retained her usual calm expression with her eyebrows raised slightly and her mouth set in a firm line.

I turned back to the goddesses and saw that Din had stepped forward in front of the other two. "You three" she said, and although her voice maintained a normal volume, I flinched when she spoke. Din's voice was deep a firm, suiting its owner very well. "You three" she said again, unfolding her arms "have been imprisoned in our world". "As you have probably noticed" said Nayru from behind her sister. A sharp 'hush' from Din silenced the goddess of wisdom, though it drew a reproachful look from her pale face.

Din turned once again to us. "You have been imprisoned in out world" she said "but getting yourselves out is not your only quest" Rachel and I exchanged worried glances "Link needs your help, as shocking as that is to believe…". "Hey!" said Rachel indignantly. Farore looked at Din disapprovingly. The red goddess sighed and continued. "Point being, he needs your help. Evil has spread not only through the world of the Great Sea after Hyrule's destruction…"

"Wind Waker" I said quietly to my friends.

"…but in the age of the Six Sages…"

"Ocarina of Time" Rachel said, nodding.

"…as well as the world of the Four Heroes…"

"Four Swords" said Jenn with a grin.

"…and in the Hyrule that has yet to be."

This stumped the four of us and we looked at each other, confused. Then, slowly, Jenn's face lit up into a comprehending look. "Twilight Princess" she said with a wide smile. I cackled in delight and Rachel's face made a light speed transition from confused to freakishly happy. Din cleared her throat, a sound that was evocative of an earth quake and made the three of us jump. "Going back to the point" she said sharply, her voice vibrating my ribs "Link cannot defeat all of these evils on his own. You are to go with him and defeat these threats to Hyrule". "And what about us getting out?" asked Rachel skeptically. "Well" said Farore "if beating all of those villains doesn't get you out, we'll send you home".

Awkward turtle

"Is there any chance of you doing that now?" Jenn asked, her eyebrows rising in annoyance. "No!" said Din sharply getting a yelp from me. Nayru stepped in front of her sister. "What she means" said the blue haired girl much more calmly "is that we need your help first". "It's kind of a reciprocity situation, huh?" I said with a sly grin. Farore nodded apologetically. "Alright" I said, raising my hands in defeat "just point us in the right direction".

To my slight horror, Farore pointed right behind us. We turned slowly on the spot and gasped as we saw a portal that we were very close to falling into. "Why!?!" Rachel yelled suddenly, making Jenn and I jump "why is it _always_ an ominous black and purple vortex!?!". Without waiting for an answer, she hopped forward and disappeared into the portal. Jenn sang a heroic tune. "Onward! To adventure and to gamer heaven!" she yelled, one fist on her hip, the other hand pointed outward dramatically. She then dropped the pose and turned to me with a grin. "Just as well" she said "this entire encounter is against my religion". Without waiting for a response, she ran forward and sunk with alarming speed into the vortex. "Well" I said as I turned to the goddesses "it's been fun". I was about to follow my friends when all the sudden, Farore grabbed my shoulder.

Now, being touched by a goddess is not a pleasant thing. The part of my shoulder she touched burned and I yelped loudly. "Sorry" said the green haired goddess. I stared blankly, rubbing the skin that had been injured. "I forgot to give you this" she said and she placed a miniature silver sword that was about six inches long and had a small emerald in the hilt. "You'll need this to open the final door" she said "to the world yet to come". "Twilight Princess, then?" I asked and she nodded. "The other two are harder to find. One has a sapphire and one has a ruby in them. You need them before you can move on". "Gotcha" I said with a wink and a nod. Clipping the emerald sword onto a necklace chain Farore handed me as well, I turned to face the portal and cannonballed into it with a loud cry of "BONSAI!!!"

I landed hard on my butt and stood up, grumbling. My outfit had changed. The long sleeved dress had been replaced by a black skirt and black and purple short sleeveless shirt. My boots were now black and up to my knees, black gloves donned my hands and I wore white tights on my legs. My hair was completely straight and I felt double piercing in both my ears, which were pointed. "So, you're a Sheikah" said a voice to the right of me "that's pretty sweet, though the red eyes are kinda creepy". I turned to a Hylian girl standing there. With a closer look, I realized it was Jenn.

Her blond hair was straightened as well and was pulled neatly into a pony tail. Her outfit was now a deep blue tunic and white tights with brown boots partway up her calves. Her ears were pointed as well. She wore brown leather gloves that came nearly to her elbows and a brown and metal belt around her waist. She carried bow and arrows on her back and I could see a long shot and a hook shot on her belt. She also possessed the charms for the three spells on her wrist. Noticing this, I felt my old katana on my back along with a small metal shield. A large hammer hung from my waist.

"Where's-" I began, but all the sudden a bright light obscured my face. "HEY!!!" it screamed at me in a bloodcurdlingly high voice. "Gwah!!!" I shrieked and I flailed my arms wildly. Using superb gamer reflexes, Jenn shot her hand out and snatched the critter from the air. She held the little fairy in her hand and brought it close to her face. "Who the hell are you?" she asked sharply.

"That would be mine" snapped a voice near my elbow. I looked down and beheld a small Kokiri girl. She wore a green sleeveless tunic with a black long sleeved shirt underneath. She too wore white tights and brown boots. On her tunic she held a sack of what I took to be bombs and a boomerang. I also noticed a charm for Din's Fire on her wrist. She was blonde and her hazel eyes were fixed into a look of annoyance. Jenn and I looked at each other, looked at the fairy in Jenn's hand, then back down at the girl. A grin spreading slowly and evilly across my face as Jenn bit her lip to keep from laughing. "Rachel?" I choked. Rachel's frown deepened as the fairy wriggled its way out of Jenn's grasp and flew next to her head. "Yes" she snarled "and don't-"

Too late

Jenn and I burst into laughter, shaking in our frenzy. In retaliation to this blatant insult to her small stature, Rachel kicked me hard in the shins as her fairy went up and zapped Jenn. She squeaked as I yelped. "Ha!" Rachel yelled triumphantly "That's what you get, buttface!". "I see your vocabulary has matured" I grumbled as I rubbed my shin. The fairy flew back down to Rachel and said something in a high pitched voice. "What's her name?" Jenn asked as she massaged the red spot on her arm where the fair had zapped her. At this, the fairy turned bright red and roared in a much louder and deeper voice "I'M A GUY!!!"

Jenn and I yelled in shock as he flew back down near Rachel. Rachel nodded solemnly. "His name is Pan" she said with a grin. I looked miserably over at Jenn. "Now she's got a helper" I whined, not looking forward to all the zaps and kicks I would be receiving from the dynamic duo. "We'll be good if you guys will" said Rachel, craning her neck to look up at us. I nodded vigorously as Jenn eyed Pan with distaste, but then nodded her agreement. "Then that's settled" she said, then turned to her blue companion. "Pan, be nice" she said firmly. The fairy grumbled but made some form of an affirmative.

"Well" I said, fingering my hammer thoughtfully "we should probably find Link…". "Agreed!" said Rachel with a dramatic gesture in the air. "Tight-wearing girls blasting off at the speed of light!!!" yelled Jenn maniacally as she pranced away. Rachel, Pan, and I ran, or in Pan's case, flew off after her to make our way through Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time.

**A/N: Ok, I know Rachel is probably going to beat me senseless for this, but I would like to state that she is amazing and did indeed inspire me for this revamp. I mean no insult WHATSOEVER by making her a Kokiri. I just have to say that because I think she might kill me for this...  
Ah well, it's funny xDDD**


	9. Tights are Masculine

**A/N: 8 PAGES!!! 8!!! HAHAHA!!! Ya see, this is why this evil thing has taken me this long. It is a masterpiece if I have ever seen one. Well the going is getting weirder, if that is possible, but I don't think a monster chapter like this is going to happen again for a while.**

**Mei Fire: Thanks! I was worried about changing it, but obviously I did ok **

**Shadow Authoress: Gah…well yea, that's all just spiffy. I still can't remember!!!**

**Chapter Nine**

**Tights are Masculine**

Jenn, Rachel, Pan, and I had been wandering through the Lost Woods, which we had found ourselves in quite suddenly, and were, by some cruel lack of synonyms, lost. Well, I suppose I could say that several different ways: we were unable to find a clear path, we were off course, we were astray, we were hopelessly baffled, we were as unclear as a turkey in a pilgrim costume…

But I think I'll just stick with the stupid pun, thanks.

Yes, we were lost and not a one of us was handling it well. Pan was expressing his frustration in a particularly sadistic method: zapping random forest creatures. The sad thing was how proud of him Rachel was. That's what I get, I suppose.

Jenn was on the eleventh refrain of the Pokémon theme song when, all of the sudden, we heard a rustling noise from behind a bush. All four of us froze and looked at each other. Rachel raised her eyebrows and mimed throwing a bomb at the bush, but Jenn made a slashing motion across her throat and silently indicated that would only lead to more trouble. Pan approached the bush, but Rachel snatched him out of the air with lightening speed and held him tight in her fist. Shockingly, he remained silent through all of this manhandling.

I quietly walked up to the bush. It rustled again and I froze. Images of Ocarina of Time monsters flashed through my head as I thought about what it could be. Biting my lip, I took another tentative step forward. All of the sudden, a head popped out of the bush. I screamed. Like a baby. The head yelled. Rachel and Jenn screamed. Even Pan let out a squeaking noise of distress. Suddenly, a level headed voice broke the silence.

"Lori!?!"

"LINK!!!" I squealed. I flew forward and unceremoniously tackled the Hero of Time. Link grunted loudly as I landed on him, but then he started laughing. "Lori, I can't breath" he choked. "Sorry!" I said gleefully as I hopped up. Link stood up too and I took in the changes. He was now in full Ocarina of Time gear. And by 'full Ocarina of Time gear' I do of course mean 'full body tights'. I swallowed my laughter and instead turned to Jenn, who looked like she would explode from glee, and Rachel, who was also containing her laughter at the tights. "Guys" I said, just to be formal "this is Link". "Hi!" said Jenn loudly "I'm Jenn!". "Rachel" said Rachel as she calmly introduced herself with a nod "and this sparkly yet masculine thing is Pan". Pan audibly grumbled at this.

Suddenly, a blue orb popped out of Link's hat. "HEY!" it yelled. "HEY!" Pan yelled back at it. My mouth hung open in a minor tremor of mortification as I beheld the two loud, obnoxious fairies screaming at each other. "If they do this the whole time…" Jenn groaned. Link shot his hand out and shoved Navi back under his hat. "Sorry about her" he sighed "I try to keep her under there so that she doesn't…" he trailed off, frowning. "We get it" Rachel said with a nod as Pan returned to her shoulder. Link relaxed visibly.

I put my hands behind my head with my fingers interlaced. "Where to?" I asked. "Well" said Link "I was off to my home…_old_ home to find Saria". "Duh, Lori" said Jenn under her breath. I gave her a glance of mild annoyance, but did not speak. "We'll come with you" piped up Rachel. Link grinned at this and nodded. "Alright!" he said happily "then let's go!". He turned around and took a large step over the bush behind him. "Oh he's so darling!" Jenn whispered happily. Rachel nodded with a large smile. I laughed silently and scurried off after Link.

We worked our way between, over, under, around, and through bushes and undergrowth. Link certainly knew his way around the woods better than we did, but that was to be expected considering that he had lived there for his whole life. Quite suddenly, we emerged into a clearing. "Here we are" said Link and he pointed towards the settlement before us.

The trees were completely cleared away to reveal an area of green grass. A thin stream wound its way through the heart of the area, its narrow banks widening out at one point into a miniature pond. A few houses were nestled in the tree tops while some were near the forest. At the opposite end of this encampment, we saw a tunnel with a small sign next to it. "She'll be in the Forest Temple" said Link as he pointed to the opening. "Who?" asked Jenn, though we knew who he meant. "My friend Saria" said Link with a smile "she'll help us out. I mean, I need to know what's going on here…"

Rachel and I exchanged glances. She shrugged and ran forward. The three of us followed swiftly. Reaching the pond, we were to learn the first advantage to Rachel's smaller stature. While she was able to hop easily across the pond, the other three of us had a much harder time, the available surfaces not being very strong or large. After a few near tumbles into the water, we were able to inch our way across the water to a barely-able-to-contain-her-laughter Rachel. After she had regained her very small amount of self control, we headed over to the tunnel.

"Hold it…" I said slowly "Isn't this a maze?". Link gave me a look. "How'd you know that?" he asked sharply. "I've…heard of it…" I mumbled. Rachel snorted unhelpfully, but Jenn helped to cover up by running into the maze. The three of us charged in after her and were met with three different tunnels. "Let's go that way!" exclaimed Rachel and she charged into the chosen tunnel before the other three of us could protest. We ran in after her and, thankfully, did not find ourselves back at the beginning as I knew would happen should we choose the incorrect tunnel.

"HA!" the Kokiri laughed in victory. "Yea, yea" Jenn grunted "if you're on a roll, you pick the next one. Rachel charged into another tunnel almost immediately and the three of us followed at a slower pace. Link and Jenn groaned as we found ourselves back at the beginning. There was a steady stream of curses issuing from Rachel's mouth. "Oh shut up!" Jenn whined. "You're the one who let me pick!" Rachel snapped back.

"Oh so now it's my fault, is it!?!"

"Yea, buttface! Deal with it!"

"Will you two be quiet!" Link yelled. After getting the warning signs that one of their favorite video game characters was becoming annoyed with them, both blondes promptly shut their traps. "I feel violated" I said quietly. Jenn made a strange noise that was a combination of a snort and a splutter. "Why!?!" she asked loudly. I pointed randomly back in the direction we had come from, then back at the tunnel, then I randomly turned around. "I don't like it when unknown forces control my destiny" I said, itching my head "It makes me feel violated".

"Poor choice of words" muttered Rachel as Jenn and Link continued to stare at me. I rolled my eyes. "Let's just skedaddle" I said and I charged forward. The other three followed me and we made it through the next level of the maze easily. "Ok" I said "Someone who's name does not begin with an R and end in an 'achel' please pick a tunnel". A swift glare was sent my way as Rachel heard this, but Link pointed to the passage next to the one we had entered last time. "That way" he said.

"Your game" said Rachel with a shrug. "What?" Link asked, thoroughly confused. "LAST ONE IN IS A ROTTEN EGG!!!" I screamed making my companions jolt with fright. I grabbed Rachel roughly by the arm and lugged her through the archway with me. "Doofus!" I snapped at her. "Sorry!" she said in a high pitched voice. I heard Jenn and Link picking their ways through, so I dropped the subject.

Turns out that Link was wrong too and, with groans and curses, we ended up back at the beginning of the maze. Now, since we knew not to listen to Rachel OR Link, Jenn and I made the decisions. Well, mainly Jenn, but she's the human video game compass, so that can be expected. Point being, we soon made it to the entrance to the forest temple. The large, stone structure loomed over the four of us. Moss and ivy covered a good percentage of the walls and the trees obscured the up regions of the temple. Thin shafts of light were able to force their way through the dense leaves, but otherwise the area was dark and silent.

"Wow" breathed Rachel in awe as she started towards the temple. A thought suddenly struck me like lightning. "Don't!" I hissed at her, but it was too late. Only one more step forward by the Kokiri girl and a shrill howl broke the silence. Two Wolfos leapt out of hiding. There eyes glowed brightly and they snarled viciously at us. Rachel let out a yell of surprise at their appearance. One of the Wolfos suddenly leapt into the air and straight towards my friend. Before it had made it within two feet of her, it let out a wild yelp of pain. A blue feathered arrow protruded from its leg, causing to fall to the ground and give Rachel time to act. A swift jerk of her hand sent a column of fire at the fiend, consuming it in a flurry of howls and yelps.

Jenn had knocked another feathered arrow into her bow to aim at the second Wolfo, but Link and I were taking care of it. I leapt into the air and made a swift downward cut into the creature while Link slashed it sideways from the ground. Another howl of defeat cut through the air as this creature disappeared as well. "Thanks" said a wide eyed Rachel to Jenn. "No problem" the Hylian nodded. Jenn did not remove the arrow from the bow, but lowered it and loosened the string so that, should the need arise, she would be able to shoot quickly. The three of us followed her example. Link and I kept our blades drawn and Rachel pulled out her boomerang so that she would conserve magic. Pan was buzzing about in front of her in, what I thought, was a rather protective manner. He may be annoying, but I suppose he had his uses.

Link's eyes were roving around the building. "I think I can make it up there" he said with a nod towards a ledge "with this". Rummaging around in his pack, he pulled out the small, blue hookshot. He looked to us. "I can toss it back down to you three so you can get up too" he said with a reassuring smile. "I've got one" said Jenn, showing the mechanism to Link "so just toss it back down for them". Link nodded and was about to shoot up at an overhanging branch when a voice cut through the silence.

"Wait"

The four of us whipped around. A young man in a blue and grey outfit stood nonchalantly behind us. Most of his face was obscured by a grey wrap that covered below his nose and most of his hair, but a few corn yellow bangs escaped to fall in front of his crimson eyes. "Don't worry about him" said Link in a low voice to us "his name is Sheik. I don't know much about him, but he's been helping me out". Sheik observed us with little reaction and kept his focus on Link. "Be right back" Link said quietly and he walked over to Sheik.

"That is so amazing" said Jenn with a mad grin. "Damn it" I snarled quietly. Rachel and Jenn gave me questioning looks. "Sheik is taller than me!" I hissed "and I thought Link being taller was bad enough". Jenn rolled her eyes as Rachel snorted. "You are stupid" the Hylian laughed. Suddenly, the music that was the Minuet of Forest filled the area. We all subconsciously began to bob our heads in time to the music. When we had looked back, Sheik was gone and Link was slipping his Ocarina back into his bag. "Well I don't know what the point of that was" he mumbled "but Sheik tends to be right".

Without another word, the Hero of Time shot the hookshot onto an over hanging branch and was flung up to the ledge. Jenn followed him swiftly. "Here" he called and he tossed the hookshot down to me. "I'm coming with you" said Rachel "that's one less trip". I rolled my eyes. "Fine" I grumbled. I aimed the hookshot as Rachel scrambled onto my back. "Can't breathe!!!" I choked as Rachel's arms fastened around my neck to support her small form. "Well then you better hurry up if you want to live" snapped Rachel, unwilling to relinquish her grip. I shot the branch and the two of us flew up onto the stone.

"You STUPID HOBBIT!!!" I roared as soon as I regained the ability to inhale.

"Oh quit whining" Rachel retorted.

"How about we strangle you and see how you like it!"

"Oh I would LOVE to see you try, stupid!"

"Quiet!!!" Link yelled over the arguing. Once again, the thought that a video game character might be annoyed with us crossed our minds and, once again, promptly shut us up. "Let's go!" I said heroically and we entered the temple.

My first thought upon entrance was how very much like a Christmas tree farm it smelled. If it hadn't been so wet, the scent probably would've been rather nice, but dark, dank places never give off a pleasant odor. The cold stone shut out all light and for a time I could not see two inches in front of my face. Suddenly, the ball of light that was Pan flew to the front of the group and conveniently lit the hallway. Navi soon joined them. As I said, they're annoying, but they have their uses.

The hallway was still eerily dark and we kept our weapons ready just in case. Our footfalls echoed on the wet floor with resounding slaps. "I really hope something doesn't-" I began, but suddenly a hissing noise shot through the hallway and Skulleta shot down at me. I shrieked in surprise before, all of the sudden, a sword, a boomerang, and an arrow pierced it. I panted in shock as the monster disappeared. "Thanks" I said. "No problem" said all three of my companions. Jenn spun and glowered at Link and Rachel. "Stop stealing my thoughts!!!" she yelled, and this was a bad idea. The noise of Jenn's voice brought more of the monsters upon us and, for a few moments, we were busy hacking and slashing our way through them.

"Well" said Link with a huff as he swung his sword for no particular reason "now we know that we have to be quiet if we want to live". The three of us nodded sheepishly and our motley crew continued on its way.

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It had been over an hour since we had entered the temple and so far we had acquired a bow for Link, the key to the boss room, and a Poe sister who was currently attempting to murder us.

Link and I charged at her from opposite directions. Link brought down his sword hard on the Poe as I swung at her with my hammer. A steady column of fire was coming from Rachel. She had found this to be more helpful than using her boomerang, even though it used a lot of magic. Arrows and such were coming from Jenn as well as the occasional strike with the hookshot. Finally, Joelle shriveled and faded with continuous yowls until she was no more.

"Onward, kinsmen!" Rachel yelled with a might brandish of her boomerang. The four of us charged through three more rooms to destroy the other three Poe sisters. The tasks proved easy with four people instead of one. I was beginning to understand why the goddesses had sent Link some reinforcements, even if those reinforcements were us in all our insanity.

After a few frustrating minutes of pushing a wall around, the four of us stood facing the door we knew lead to the boss. "Well" Link sighed as he looked at us with raised eyebrows. Jenn nodded and Rachel shrugged before nodding as well. "Let's get a move on then" I said and I drew my katana and shield. Link likewise drew his sword and shield. Jenn knocked an arrow into her bow and Rachel readied her boomerang. After one more look at each other, we charged into the room.

We walked up the stairs leading onto the dark stone platform. There was a spiked fence surrounding it and the same gloomy landscape hung in golden frames on the north, east, west, and south walls. The four of us stood on the Triforce drawn on the floor in the center of the platform and looked around. Rachel coughed. "Well!?!" she asked loudly to the room. Link shrugged and scratched the back of his head, making Navi bounce around the inside of his hat.

"What do we do?" I asked no one in particular and this statement was met with a clucking of the tongue by Jenn. I looked at her questioningly. "Lori" she said disappointedly "have I taught you nothing?". I frowned at my video game sensee as I pondered all of my training. Suddenly, the idea came to me. "Try to leave?" I ventured, gesturing with my head at the opening in the fence where we had come in. Jenn nodded and smiled. "Very good" she grinned. Without hesitating, I began to stride towards the opening.

All at once, more spiked fence sprung up to block it and my friends let out yells of shock followed by a thud. I whipped around to see them scattered on different sides of the platform and Ganon on his horse standing in the center. With a mad cackle, Ganon pulled off his mask to reveal the face of a Phantom Ganon. The horse reared and galloped straight at me. I dove to the side as he leapt into one of the paintings. "What the hell!?!" Rachel shrieked. "He'll be coming out soon" I said, whirling around to find the picture he would emerge from. Jenn tightened the string of her bow and Link did the same. The four of us each faced a picture and waited.

Suddenly, the clacking of hoofs filled the air. Phantom Ganon could be seen galloping towards us out of the picture Jenn was facing. The blue feathered arrow flew forward, soon followed by one of Link's plain arrows. The Phantom disappeared from view before appearing right above us. With a mad yell, he sent a fireball at us. I held my katana with the broad side facing the fireball and swung hard at it. To my great relief, it bounced back at him. We continued this game, smacking it back and forth. My fingers began to sting as the distance between us shrunk and the fire started to lick my hands. Then, with an almighty smack, I sent the fireball whizzing back at him and it struck Phantom Ganon hard in the stomach.

No sooner had he fallen to the ground than a huge column of fire engulfed him. Rachel cackled mercilessly as she continued her pyromaniac streak. This routine continued for a long time. Link and Jenn shot Phantom Ganon down whenever he disappeared through the paintings, I kept the fireball from blasting us, and Rachel attacked the weakened Phantom with fire every time he fell. She ran out of magic and had to start using bombs and her boomerang with Link joining in with his sword.

Finally, with a yowl much evocative of the Poe sisters, the cackling shadow of the antagonist twitched and writhed until it vanished from sight completely. A heart container appeared in his place, which Link grabbed as he grinned from ear to ear. "We did it!" Jenn yelled happily as Rachel whooped with glee. A blue light had appeared over the Triforce symbol and I pointed to it. "That should take us to the Realm of the Sages" I said. We all charged happily into the portal, glad to be done with our first temple together.

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The blinding light cleared and Link found himself on the same platform he had been on when Rauru had told him that it was his task to save Hyrule. Now, beside Rauru, Saria stood with a smile on her face. "Thank you, Link" she said with a grin "you helped me to awaken as the Forest Sage!". Link smiled back. "It was nothing" he said, shifting his weight "and I had some help". Link looked over his shoulder, intending to introduce the three girls…but they were not there.

He spun around. "Rachel?" he asked "Jenn? Lori?". No answer. We had been separated yet again.

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ith a loud thud and a stinging sensation in their legs, Rachel and Jenn landed on wood. "Something is wrong here" said Jenn over Rachel's cry of "I'M NOT A MIDGET ANY MORE!!!". The two of them were outside on a boat in, what seemed to be, a vast ocean. Both still wore their previous outfits, though the pointed ears and shortness had been taken away. "Where are we?" asked Rachel with her hands on her hips "I thought we were going to the Realm of the Sages?"

"Well you're certainly not there" came a deep, rumbling voice

Rachel and Jenn turned around and screamed as they were met with the face of a red dragon. "It's the King of Red Lions!!!" Jenn shrieked, pointing a shaking finger at the boat. "Holy crap!" Rachel yelled loudly.

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"OOF!!!"

I had landed hard on my rear and it was the second time that day. I was starting to get annoyed. "What the-?" I yelled suddenly, jumping to my feet. I was not in the Realm of the Sages, but in a meadow. I could see several trees dotted a bit before me along with a river. I looked down at my outfit and was met with another surprise. I was wearing a tunic that was identical to Link's as well as the hat. I felt on my back and my hand met the hilt of, not my katana, but a sword.

I pulled it out and gazed at it. "This looks like something Link would use" I mumbled, thoroughly disturbed by it all. What was going on here?

"Are you just gonna stand there or what?" barked a sharp voice from behind me.

I whirled around and saw…myself. Sure enough, an exact replica of me was standing behind me, except this Lori's outfit was all red. The other Lori had her arms crossed and her eyebrows raised with a frown on her face. "Don't snap at her!" came another voice and I saw a blue clad Lori stride up to Red Lori and glower at her. "Shut up" said another voice "you're making me lose count!".

My eyes saw a Lori in a purple outfit who was counting rupees religiously. "40 rupees!?!" Purple Lori roared angrily "What do the goddesses think they're doing!?! We can't by a cuckoo burger with that!". "Cuckoo burger?" I asked weakly. "Whimp" snorted Red Lori. "Oh my God" I whispered, eyes bulging psychotically "I'm in four swords!!!". "Yep" said Blue Lori with a nod.

"Get me out!!!" I screamed wildly.


End file.
